![]() It’s easy to feel disempowered and small. Like all of us, I’m struggling through the mess that is our world since Trump and the neo-Nazis entered power. That's what my thoughts boil down to, for those who'd rather read the executive summary and then sit down with a good book and some coffee. Today, you see, I'm all about choosing narratives and not accepting the ones we don't like. So let me sympathise in advance for anyone who wants to be clever and sarcastic, for they will be mocked. And I've listened politely to the silencing in its very canny joke disguise for years, and I've decided that it's time to mock it instead. ![]() In case someone thinks it clever to say that men can say things exactly as good and as clever (or as bad and as stupid) this is entirely true and equally entirely irrelevant. Given it's IWD today, it's not a bad time for pondering from my (very female) perspective. I wrote this before I did all my travels. I do think it's the state of the world causing it, though, and not the state of the Gillian. A few years ago I was lucky to get one a week and now I'm back to my classic Gillian life of having all the most interesting conversations. Right now, though, I just want to understand why the increase in conversations. When I die, I want my friends to tell stories of my life and of me. ![]() This is the pattern of my childhood: everyone wanting to talk to me and only select people listening. I occasionally want to pose a flash test question "What were the three major health problems of the last 12 months?" "What am I doing in August?" "What's happening with my novels?" Instead I infodump and hope I'm heard. So many people think they're listening to me when, in fact, they're talking about themselves. I find I babble my news at a great rate, for otherwise I don't get to say it. Maybe I'm not the solitary spinster any more. It's happening to me more than it used to. Qualifying this helps me realise that so many people are talking to so many other people right now. They often want to talk about how to change the subtle bigotry they've only just realised they have, or how to deal with the loss of a job, or ask me to listen to them about their illness, to hear about their workplace or what to do with a daughter who's too bright for her teachers. I don't find surprised comments that "Your bathroom is cleaner than mine" or "How are you going to eat that food?" useful, but it makes the person giving them happy. A couple of months ago, they all felt my health required assistance. Right now, everyone who drops in feels they must comment on my place or my lifestyle. Mostly the "Let me give you something back" subjects change. Most of my convalescence was spent giving cups of tea to friends and hearing their problems. So many people are telling me (mostly with their tone) that the world is an appalling place and they want to check before they do this or do that, or they need more options, or they want to touch base with me because I know what I'm doing, or. It's just that, for me, the amount of it has changed. Sometimes it's work related, sometimes it's personal. Mostly from friends, but also from friends of friends. Right now, I spend between 30 minutes and 180 minute a day, every day, answering questions, listening, chatting about subjects of concern.
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